Freedom
Having a driver’s license and a car is freedom.
Yes, there are financial obligations to having a car, like insurance, fuel and repairs. But the freedom you have in exchange is worth it.
I learned to drive a car between the ages of 15 and 16, like a lot of Canadians do. I got my license at 16 and was fortunate enough that my parents could buy me an old car at that time to cruise around in. It was a 1986 Hyundai Excel, a little box the same age as myself. I hated my frist car though: it was rusty, smelly, four gears, and it never died.
1986 Hyundai Excel
Ironically, for all the freedom I had achieved with having a car, I had no interest in cars. Learning how to change a tire, checking the fluid levels, keeping the car clean, and keeping the gas topped up was not on my priority list. Somehow, the little hummer of a car never died.
After 3 years, my dad finally sold the car and I was getting an upgrade. I went from a manual 1986 Hyundai Excel to an automatic 1990 Hyundai Excel. From the outside, the only thing that really changed was the colour, from navy blue to light blue.
I hated that car too, and it wasn’t too long before I got another upgrade: My mom bought a red Hyundai Accent and I inherited her white 1992 Hyundai Excel (are we noticing a theme here?). I didn’t hate this car: it had 5 gears, was better on gas, and because of my mom’s tech interests, a new CD player, speaker set, and sub woofer had been installed. You could feel and hear the car before you could see the car coming down the street.
1994 Hyundai Excell
Over the next few years I ended up inheriting and buying several more cars, some of them I really enjoyed. Despite hating my first few cars, I never forgot the freedom and independence I felt driving around. I was able to cruise around my hometown at all hours of the day, go on some epic roadtrips, and get to and from work with no issues. My greatest feat of independence was driving across Canada on my own when I was 22 (a story for another time).
The rush of independence came to a halt for a while after I moved to the UK in 2012. I lost my confidence in a lot of areas of my life, and driving was one of them. I felt almost paralyzed at the idea of having to drive on the other side of the road and sit in the other side of the car and change gears with my left hand. I got freaked out at how tiny the streets were and at how fast people drove through them. Driving through some neighbour hoods felt more like an obstacle course than driving a car down a road.
Not being able to drive seems like such a small thing, I mean, there’s public transit right? As anyone who can drive and owns a car will be able to tell you, it’s not the same. You feel dependent and disappointed in yourself after being so independent. You feel like such a nuisance, asking for lifts, particularly since you can’t reciprocate.
It took me a full year to gain the confidence to drive in the UK on my own. In 2013 my mom came for a visit and my ex was a work and naturally, couldn’t chaufer us around. I knew it was now or never that I get behind the wheel of the car and I drive us somewhere.
And I did.
I gave myself a headache doing it, and my hands kept slipping on the steering wheel because I was so anxious, but I drove. I haven’t looked back since. I even own my own car in the UK and moved myself from Surrey to Cornwall in it. Regaining my independence like that was the best feeling after having gained it for the first time at 16.
When I met my partner, it was then very weird for me to travel to Morocco to visit him and not have a car. Both of us have been driving for years, but then we dont’ have a car? The world got really small again and limited to only the places I could walk to. What I could do in a day was limited to what I could carry.
From time to time, we would rent a car so that we could a little more, but with a return deadline, driving around in a rental car wasn’t as relaxing or enjoyable as driving around in your own. The high of independence was limited to a timeframe.
It was such a frustrating experience for me. Not only because I felt like I had taken a step back and lost my own independence again, but trying to regain it was next to impossible: the price of a second hand car seemed out of proportion to what I was used to. I never seemed to have enough money saved either to be able to purchase a car. Some smaller emergency would always crop up and I’d be back at square one.
A few months ago, a couple of things fell into place: extra work, steady flow of guests, a generous gift from my father, and a seller who was in no rush and asked a reasonable amount. By the end of January, my partner and I were the proud owners of a SsangYong that has the heart of a Mercedes.
This SsangYong reminds me so much of the first car I ever owned in Canada. Not just because it’s also a South Korean company, but it’s rusty, full of quirks, and rough around the edges. I have every reason to hate it like 16 year old me hated my first Excel, but right now I love this car.
While I struggle to drive in Morocco (read: rules of the road are only suggestions in that country), we have a car! I can’t wait to see where this set of wheels takes us once the Global Lockdown is over.
