A Pair of Glasses

I’ve had glasses since I was 8 years old. 

I probably needed them well before then, but my elementary school teachers always assigned us to our desks based on the alphabetical order of our last names. It was the same for a number of years, regardless of school or grade: the teacher started with A at the top of the left-hand corner of the classroom and snaked their way up and down the rows, finishing at the bottom of the right-hand corner. With a surname ending in P I always ended up close to the middle, if a little to the right, but never at the back of the classroom. 

The one time I ended up at the back was when we had a student transfer to our classroom, and her surname was ahead of P, pushing me to the back. All of a sudden, what the teacher was writing on the board was fuzzy, difficult to read, and I had to do a lot of guessing. I started noticing the world around me a little differently after this: I became aware that a lot of things, people, and signs far away were not so clear as when they were close up. 

I let my mom know after about a week of struggling and we went to an optometrist shortly after. Sure enough, I needed glasses. It was the early 90’s, so the style of glasses I could choose from were limited and dorky. The “four eyes” jokes heavily applied and lense thinning technology was not so advanced or affordable, so my glasses were relatively thick for a minor prescription. 

While classroom work became much easier again, sports became problematic: I came to rely on the improved vision I had when wearing my glasses and having to take them off for Taekwondo or school sports started to give me anxiety. I couldn’t see the kicks or punches coming during sparring or the balls thrown at me during the traditional volley, basket, and football sports. 

For some reason my parents were initially against contact lenses. Soft contact lenses were relatively new and all they heard were horror stories from people who had had contact lenses along with all the problems associated with them. Finally at 14 I had convinced them to splash out on some monthly contact lenses, on the basis that I would only use them for sports: my parents couldn’t afford to have me lose a pair of lenses because of normal teenage carelessness after all. 

Contact lenses were life changing for me. I was still wearing the same pair of frames in Grade 7, the first year of Junior High School, that I had when I had gotten when I was 8. Financial reasons of course. I had a really tough time fitting in during that year but lucky enough that I was able to switch classes to minimize the harassment, but I still was plagued with self-consciousness and loathing. I wanted to change this in Grade 8, and contact lenses was a way out of dorky looking glasses. 

I started off wearing contacts every other day, for sports days and Taekwondo training in the evening. Of course I would push the envelope and just start wearing them every day to school, making sure I would take them out after school. By highschool, contact lense use was simply part of my daily routine, and my use of eye glasses was almost nonexistent. 

During one of my eye check ups, the optometrist questioned me about my contact lense use. I was honest about wearing them for 12+ hours. The breathability of these lenses were also not amazing, so I was scolded, informed that my prescription had worsened and would need new lenses. I was devastated: not another lense exchange in the most outdated pair of frames. 

Fortunately, my face had changed shape and I needed a new pair of frames. I didn’t jump for joy, but I was relieved to have a new pair of frames at 15. 

Despite the warnings from my optometrist and disapproval from my parents, my contact lense wear didn’t decrease. With a teenage social life, I wasn’t going swap my contacts for glasses. I knew then, that wearing glasses was sometimes considered to be a sign of intelligence, that they can make you look smart. I did not agree with this statement. Not with my glasses anyway. And if I kept wearing them, I knew I wasn’t going to catch any boy’s attention with those four eyes.

2005. My hair was finally growing back after having shaved it the summer before. I was still wearing frames I had gotten about 3-4 years before this.

For a period of time, particularly in my last years of high school and throughout University, my eyesight seemed to continually worsen, and my prescription continued to increase. The question did arise, how much worse would my eyes get? Getting a new pair of glasses annually was beginning to be a massive expense for them. Even with just switching the lenses every couple of years. 

I was the only person in my family to need glasses in their youth, so my parents were wholly inexperienced. On the other hand, they always sent me to appointments by myself and never bothered to attend to ask these kinds of questions. As a 17 year old, my worsening eyes were the last thing on my mind: I needed gas money to roll around the city and visit my friends. 

As an aside, with time there is more research completed. And with more research comes more knowledge. At my recent eye check up, after not going for about 3 and half-ish years, my prescription had improved. My optometrist, after realizing I was actually interested in her CPD, gave me the condensed version in 20 minutes about how increased time looking at screens, books, and things close up makes our eyes lazy and our ability to see things clearly in the distance weakens. Even if we genetically don’t have short sightedness. Equally, whether we are short sighted or not, our distance vision improves when we’re outdoors and have to look at objects in the distance constantly. 

I’m summarizing the conversation, of course. My optometrist didn’t refer me to any resources either, so I just have to take her word for it. So don’t come at me. 

The improvement in my vision in the last few years would make sense: I have been surfing a lot more, being in the water and constantly having to look out at the ocean to read the waves coming in. To me my situation reinforces for me that idea that our lifestyles do not match our biology: We are made for the outdoors and we are made to move. 

Once I started doing my nursing practicums and getting into the nursing workforce, I did try to wear glasses on night shifts. But that became more annoying than anything else so I just left my contacts in and suffered the dry eyes. 

2007. My newborn niece and my pair of frames I had for about 5-6 years at this point. My mom was right, orange was not my colour, even though I had a tan.

But with employment came paycheques, and with paycheques came accessibility to style. The first pair of glasses I picked, bought, and paid for with my own money came around this time. I had picked a bright pink United Colours of Benetton pair of frames. They seemed a bit out of character for me but was 100% trending. They were wide enough to fit my fat face, but stylish enough that you forgot that I had a big face. 

After moving to the UK I started to lose a significant amount of weight and my face began to get thin. My ex suggested I get a new pair of frames, something trendy and that would fit my face better. I gave in, seeing how I struggled to be trendy in my life up until this point. And even though these new frames fit my face better, not sliding down my nose, I kept coming back to these pink frames. They seemed to be timeless and stylish.

I never replaced the lenses of my United Colors of Benetton frames. I was beyond that. But it wouldn’t stop me from wearing them since I still relied so heavily on contact lenses anyway. For over 10 years I wore these glasses, with the plastic starting to fade only slightly towards the end, giving a marbled look instead of a uniform pink look. 

So if I loved these glasses so much, why would it be a goal of mine to get a new pair? 

Well. 

I lost them.

I did a lot of moving and travelling in the last few years, despite various lockdowns, and in the midst my beloved, pink United Colours of Benetton glasses went missing. 

It probably took me a week or two to even realize since I was packing and unpacking rapidly and just relied on my contact lenses. At first it was a shock: how could I lose these glasses after 10 years of carting them around with me? Clearly I had a moment of carelessness. Then came denial and bargaining: They couldn’t possibly be lost, one of my housesits would be in contact soon to say that they found them. 

Then the grief came and went for a while: my mom had been there when I had picked them out and was super pleased for me that I had found such a great pair of frames. It felt like another connection to memories of my mom had also been severed. I wallowed and put off getting an eye check. I didn’t want to move forward from that memory or the sentiment my glasses had held for me. 

After a while wallowing wasn’t practical anymore. I was starting to struggle with my contact lenses. A random allergic reaction in my eye while travelling around Rabat forced me to confront that I couldn’t rely on contact lenses any longer. I needed glasses either as a backup or to regularly give my eyes a break. Even though I was with Rachid, the vulnerability of not being able to see in a new place was pretty unnerving for me. 

The eye appointment I booked immediately after returning to the UK showed some changes to my eye from long contact lense use. I was strongly encouraged to start wearing glasses as often and for as long as possible given my lifestyle. In hindsight, I’m sure the allergic reaction was a warning sign that my lifestyle or my life choices needed to change. I listened and got myself a new pair of glasses. 

I like them alot. They give me a certain look that I didn’t think I was able to pull off until I found these frames. I also still find it difficult sometimes to make style decisions without my mom’s input. Even though she rarely had the confidence to wear really stylish things because she was self-conscious about her weight and body shape, she had a knack for knowing what looked good on herself and other people. 

My mom was always pretty brutal and honest if she thought something didn’t look right or didn’t suit. More than frustrating when you’re in high school learning how to express yourself, but very much appreciated in you’re 30’s and struggling to figure out what’s fashionable and trendy. 

Getting these frames isn’t just a “I just need a pair of glasses for my face” kind of decision. I don’t have that kind of face that just everything looks good on. 

2022. My new pair of glasses. Selfies are not my forte.

This was a “I made another big style decision without my mom’s help and it turned out ok. But it was still hard.” kind of decision.